I am NOT spoiled! You know I get really tired of hearing people say that. It is totally normal for me to be treated the way I am. After all, I AM the Greatest Dane in the World! My Mom says so!
So what…I get a massage for at least an hour before bed. Who doesn’t? So what, Mom runs downstairs to bring up my water bowl if it’s hot and I’m tired and don’t feel like getting off the bed to go get it myself. So I wake her up in the middle of the night when I have an itch that I can’t scratch, so that she will do it for me. I don’t have thumbs and I’m not double jointed…what else can I do?
Ok, so Mom spends more money on me than her. It’s not my fault my food costs more than hers! So she spends more time worrying about what’s actually in my food than what ingredients are in hers….isn’t that normal?
So I get a new toy or a treat every time she comes back home after leaving me for a few hours. Well she SHOULD! After all, she did do the BAD thing and left me…all ALONE…no Mom to tickle, scratch or massage me. Run to the kitchen to grab my treats when I have a craving. No Mom to hold my bones in just the right spot so I can get those back teeth clean. She’s not here to play with me or fetch me my favorite toy that somehow escaped and is hiding under the couch. Of COURSE I deserve a treat for being neglected this way!
And for the record? I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with her taking me out to the park or on play dates when she’s in horrible pain and the doctors at the human hospital told her to rest her shoulder and not use it. Nope…she SHOULD be out there throwing that ball, playing tug of war, because, well because I said so! And I am the Greatest Dane!
So I decided, instead of listening to people tell her how spoiled I am, I am having her write up a list and put it up in each room of our house. Also, she is to take a copy with us wherever we go so when people stop us in the street, all of my commandments are ready and waiting for them to read.
Wanna know what they are? I think ALL danes should have these rules 🙂
1- Thou shall have no other dog, cat, other furred or winged creature, or human, but me.
2- Thou shall surrender all furniture, blankets, clothing, food, and personal space, to ME.
3- Thou shall not be tired or too sore to play when I want to play.
4- Thou shall spend at least 5 hours per day telling and showing me how much I am loved. This will include, but is not limited to: hugs, kisses, rubs, tickles, cuddles, forgiveness of any and all drool that ends up on you or elsewhere in the home.
5- Thou shall stop making play dates for yourself and start making more for ME.
6- Thou shall not be annoyed when I have the zoomies at 3 am and make a ton of noise that might tick off the new neighbors.
7- Thou shall not leave me for any reason, for more than a total of 4 hours, and if thou does leave, thou MUST return with quality bribes to ease my pain and prevent me from taking my revenge at a later time.
8- Thou shall limit all visitors to a maximum of one hour stays. After all, visitors take time away from ME. That is a NO NO!
9- Thou shall not complain when you have no room in the bed, when my feet end up in your face, my drool in your hair, or when I pass gas. This is MY house, MY bed, YOU are mine.
10- Thou shall NEVER even CONSIDER bringing home another man, puppy or human. Again, you belong to ME. My rules. No flirting with cute police men, nor cuddling with cute pups. I am all you will ever need.